Something to think about, something I’ve been thinking a lot about because I want to focus on my career as much as any ambitious man:

“The women are left shocked and surprised. They had thought the rules of engagement were clear, that well-educated couples would be mutually supportive and take turns, helping each other become all they can be. A survey of Harvard Business School graduates emphasizes the disconnect: More than half the men expected their careers to take precedence over their wives’ careers, while most women expected egalitarian marriages. (Almost no women expected their own careers to come first.) Millennial men are often portrayed as more enlightened, but data complicates this picture: Surveys have shown that younger men may be even less committed to equality than their elders.

Even for couples who are committed to equality, it takes two exceptional people to navigate tricky dual-career waters. It’s easier to opt for the path of least resistance — the historical norm of a career-focused man and a family-focused woman. Especially if, as is often the case, the man is a few years older, has a career head start, and so earns a higher salary. This leads to a cycle that’s hard to break: Men get more opportunities to
earn more, and it gets harder and harder for women to catch up.

The disillusionment is deep — and lasting. The result is a delayed reaction, as I found in researching a book on the increasing divorce and marriage rates in the 1950s and 1960s: Talented women, forced by their husband’s attitudes to downgrade their aspirations, bide their time. After their children leave, often so do the wives. About 60% of late-life divorces are initiated by women, often to focus their energies on flourishing careers post-50.
@rice Just be mindful of the HUGE amount of women that do exactly that and then deeply regret it when they're too old to change their mind.
@nerthos Yeah, I know. It’s hard to win there, but I tried pushing myself into a “trad” mindset and I realized that I’ll go insane that way. It’s not for me and I’ll be lying to myself if I try to do it, whilst feeling like a complete outsider. Maybe I’m more “broken” than the average woman in this sense because I’ve been extremely ambitious ever since my childhood. But I need to figure that out.

@rice @nerthos This may sound like weak sauce, but, traditionally, women ran a lot of businesses, usually out of the home. This is everything from drug dealing and hair salons to software companies and light manufacture.

Consider a life where the family has a business, so you get both, and a place to teach your children the skills one can only learn through experience...

@jeremiah @nerthos btw my great great grandma ran her own carpentry business with her husband. she was at the forefront. i think it’s really cool, especially considering how it’s considered rare for that time
@jeremiah @nerthos my mom is also an exec and a scientist. I think it runs in the family lol
@jeremiah @nerthos which is why i don’t want to make the same mistakes as her. She wasn’t present with her family, focused on work completely. Even now. I’m very similar, don’t want my potential kids to feel as abandoned as I did.

@rice @nerthos focus on building a business, or building towards something in sync with your 'egg clock' so that you can learn from the mistakes and successes to hand on.

The fact is that the most powerful thing you can do for a kid isn't just "be there" or "be a good parent", but actually train them on a toolkit for success in life.

Look around: a lot of people aren't handing those on; coming up with a life that will make it possible may be your great work... good luck with whatever you do...

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