A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?" So the rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial-insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down the barn. They walk along a long row of Cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one.....right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the Cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on

#SaturdayNightJokes @dijjy @reihs @ReactionaryCat @TroyKey @walkwithgiants

@druid did you listen to the follow-up album yet? Eye of the Tiger sounds like it could have been done by Pink Floyd youtube.com/watch?v=zpofYybjXg

'Noose' Which Sent UMich Dean On Racism Tirade Turns Out To Be Fishing Knot Practice https://quitter.im/url/2768898
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TU-MYe0SL9Q

From the comments: "The Virgin "Speed up vinyl to make it sound like the Chipmunks" vs. the Chad "Slow down chipmunks records to make post-rock""

4M IP addresses (44.192.0.0/10) bought by Amazon
ampr.org/amprnet/

(submitted by simonebrunozzi)

Russia's Spy Agency Hit In Massive Hack

A high school civics teacher inspired by his students to run for Congress officially filed his Federal Election Commission (FEC) paperwork to take on freshman firebrand Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) for New York’s 14th District.

John Cummings — a retired NYPD Harbor Unit officer and native of the Bronx — announced that he had filed the necessary paperwork to run for Congress as a Republican against Ocasio-Cortez in the 2020 election.

ijr.com/john-cummings-aoc-repu

Is Seattle filled with street shitters yet? I hear that millennials are now flocking to the Pacific Northwest, and we all know what follows the influx of these idiot kids.

My present Recaptcha policy:

Request audio.

Respond "Fuck you Google"

Repeat until access granted, or the joy fades.

Bonus: All audio AI parsing tends to "Fuck you Google".

A Russian capsule carrying three astronauts has docked with the International Space Station. The crew's patch for the expedition echoes the one from Apollo 11's lunar mission 50 years ago to the day. apne.ws/M9vcYaa 

Original Tweet: twitter.com/AP/status/11527236

4:35 PM - 20 Jul 2019
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