President Trump continues to expose the depths of the corrupt system that is our current government

"It all started with a Klondike Bar.." -Nostalgic Prostitute

Not to brag but my wife bought toothpaste because she thought it was almost empty and I squeezed out paste for two more months.

Some men are born to greatness. Some have greatness thrust upon them. Me? I like waffles

If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.

You say, "POE-TAY-TOE." I say, essential ingredient for a distilled spirit.

I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.

Anytime I get something stuck in my throat, I drink some beer.

I call this the Heineken maneuver.

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