November, 2015- I had a camera stuck up my penis.
After years of my doctor griping at me to chase down some symptoms, I finally agreed to see a urologist. I was unaware of the exact procedure I was to be subjected to, safe to say it resembles some strange Aztec ritual.
I’m asked to disrobe, below the waist is fine, and lay upon the exam table.
I comply
The very attractive and quite thicc nurse drapes me with a towel and then pulls my flaccid, scared manhood through a hole in the material.
Cont..

Nurse and I start chatting it up. This is to calm me in preparation for what’s coming.

As she begins to explain what’s about to occur, she grabs my confused, cocked-to-the-side-puppy-head penis with her left hand and inserts a local anesthetic on a Q-tip, what seemed like, 3 feet up my urethra.

She smiled as she withdrew her poison-tipped dagger of insanity from within the very depths of manhood itself.

My eyes fixated on the ever so slightly pink q-tip

The nurse broke the eerie silence.
“That happens to all you guys”
She smiled, took off her gloves and washed her hands.
“That’ll take about 5 minutes to really take hold. The doctor and I will be back then.”
She turned and walked away.

True to her word, Nurse Booty and Doctor Pricklestein walk back in exactly five minutes.
Both are masked and gloved
Doctor is wearing GoogleGlasses™️

The doctor sits upon his stool: round, 6 wheels, brown cracked leather taped together.
His face is about 6 inches from the fatherland.

I’m absolutely frightened when he presents the endoscopic camera/catheter that’s to be inserted into my urethra.

Imagine, if you will, a handheld microscope attached to a catheter.
Saline is injected through said catheter into your bladder.
As your bladder fills, a camera is extended through the catheter, snaking it’s way through all of your internal twists and turns eventually finding your bladder.

Forgive my ignorance, but somewhere in there is a valve (I forget the name). That valve is responsible for separating the flow of urine and testicular emissions.
The camera has to force that valve open.
Backward

“You’re going to feel some discomfort as we get to and pass the prostate” Doctor Prickhammer says.

Doctor P is very understated in his description of “discomfort.”

English is incapable of properly describing the “discomfort”
There’s probably some weird-ass Euro language that can do it; suffice to say, it wasn’t comfortable at all.

Imagine you have 1 sperm
It wants to go home
It’s the size of your fist

Doctor Dickencider now has his face on my stomach.
I’ve heard stories about this kind of thing, but never thought I’d be in this position.

“Mmmmm, mmmhmmm” Doctor is HUMMING as he looks within the very essence of my manhood.

He’s singing now, taking video and dictating observations.
He has a very nice, baritone voice and he selected Song of the Hebrew Slaves.
One of my favorites

My bladder is now filled to capacity
Doctor Schlongelschmaltz pulls the catheter from my body in a single, quick tug.

Follow

“You have a blah, blah, blah…”
I don’t know what the man is saying.
I feel violated
I need to pee really bad

I’m told to go to the restroom.
“You’re really gonna need to pee” the nurse tells me as she cleans up.

I stand at the toilet, pecker in hand and I start to pee.
I pee and pee and pee.
I start laughing I’m peeing so much

You ever link up the garden hose and suddenly let go?
The water goes shooting out of the hose.

I felt air bubbles from the inside of the old “Bun Reaper”

After the peeing was done, I couldn’t tell if I was done or not.
I mean, l looked at it, there was nothing coming out.
Buy it felt like I was pissing down my leg
I stayed in the toilet for at least another 5 minutes. Seated like a bitch.

I decided there were no fluids emanating from my now enraged member. I pulled up my pants, stumbled into the nurse.

“Feel like you’re peeing yourself?”
Yes I do
She explains the valve thing.
“It’s gonna be like that until you go to bed.”

“Doctor wan s to repeat the procedure every six months.”
We schedule the next appointment that I KNOW I’ll never go to.

Everybody there was super nice, mind you. Doctor Weinershiner was really nice, the nurse was cute/thicc and the schedule lady was super nice/friendly/hot/obviously interested.
It wasn’t the odd feelings of confusion, violation and plain fear that upsets me.

There’s no way I could EVER score a 3-some with her and the hot schedule girl after that😐

@coldacid @SirSpencer @MartinDeLaToot

That...sounds like it was fun...not fun.

TYFYC for sharing. Bravo 👏

@MartinDeLaToot Call em and ask to which site they uploaded the video.

@MartinDeLaToot I felt like that too when I got contrast dye for a CT scan a few years back.

@MartinDeLaToot

you should have asked for transurethrall microwave thermotherapy

my bro tells me it's five times the fun

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