Do you guys think I can pull off a skydiving trip this summer?
Like, you think my doctor will sign off on that?

In related news, Scrooge McDuck issues call for tax breaks.

This dude is gonna go far.
::first mixer::
Hey, baby. My name’s General Booty😉

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@SirSpencer and Rev Cyborg Trucker are In The Bowl right now. Every time Sir Trucker speaks, it sounds like someone’s playing the timpani behind him.

I don’t think there’s a man, woman or child that doesn’t appreciate a nice set of tiddies.

My doctor made me cry like a baby today.
“You’ve met the requirements for surgery. As long as you get cardiac, mental health clearance and your donor is in good shape, you should be on the surgery schedule within the year.”

Protip: Do NOT marry that lady you hooked up with after 2000 Mules.

1st time I got high, I had to walk from my deck back to the house. A trip of 6 feet. It was more like this video

Amber Heard shat in Johnny Depp’s bed. She said horrible things to him and physically abused him. Yet he stayed by her side. Why?
That throat gotta be outta this world.
Gentlemen, would you take a ride on the crazy train knowing she’s…talented.

We’re about to get beat like a red head on a Friday night after a six pack of beer with storms in a few minutes. I’m such a weirdo, I’m sitting in the truck waiting for them to hit.

@adam marries a Texan and ends up getting saved.

Anybody else sat scrotum in their head when they see SCOTUS?
Just me?
I’ll let myself out

Temptation is an asshole.
I try to be a decent guy, but temptation raises its ugly head and I fail, again.
May we all be able to show strength and resist whatever tempts us off the path.

Oklahoma banned abortion.
About 150 pink hairs are protesting at the Capitol.
Give this 2 weeks and nobody cares.

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