Pinned toot

"...evidence has emerged revealing that high-level DHS officials were actively developing a new policy and legal framework for separating families"
The draft policy shows federal officials wanted journalists to notice the new enforcement efforts. The authors predicted an "increase in prosecutions would be reported by the media / would have a substantial deterrent effect."

Merkley called for an FBI investigation into DHS director Kirstjen Nielsen for alleged perjury.

wweek.com/news/state/2019/01/1

So last week the local news station was teaching folks proper Work Etiquette(What NOT to say/do at work) and this week it appears to be focused on food prep, and how you have to wash and check your food for contaminates before cooking /eating it.
Good information, I just question WHY the Local News has to cover these types of stories.

I love hearing the playback after a set - I don't hear ANY laughs on stage (for some reason....). So when folks tell me I did good up there, I just nod, smile and thank them for showing up until I can hear the playback of the set. Did two Sets in two different venues...got laughs...but some were completely by surprise. Regardless, I treat EVERY laugh as something I created....just for you...

I am a horrible person:
I saw the footage of the people getting the gas out of the exploded pipeline. The pipeline that was spewing GALLONS OF FLAMMABLE GASOLINE all over the place and people.
Then BOOM and people were running away on fire.
And I laughed. Long and hard.

What email list or chain post have you subscribed to and instantly regretted? You know, the one that JUST WONT GO AWAY.
What are some common examples? Anyone...Anyone...?

Just saw a Diabeetus drug commercial
LOWERS A1C (half screen)
in small print underneath in italics
"(along with Diet and Exercise)"

Just because you have the ability to Voice an Opinion, you have to remember that everyone else does to. Even the Idiots. And that Definition will vary with each individual.

Hurry, quick! Get those gun-control bills into law while there are currently NO Mass Shootings going on....oh, wait....theres no government either...typical...Nevermind

I just tried watching "Roswell New Mexico" the TV show...but found it way too racist for my tastes. I think it took 3 minutes....after titles.

From 1928 - Funny to me:
W. W. Harmon, by a series of extremely complicated yet exact
mathematical calculations; determines that the first ceremonial of the Pyramid was performed 68,890 years ago on the occasion when the star Vega for the first time sent its ray down the descending passage into the pit. The actual building of the Pyramid w
as accomplished in the period of from ten to fifteen years immediately preceding this date.

And Then...There is THIS:
Insect collapse: ‘We are destroying our life support systems’

The insect population that once provided plentiful food for birds throughout the mountainous national park had collapsed. On the ground, 98% had gone. Up in the leafy canopy, 80% had vanished. The most likely culprit by far is global warming.

theguardian.com/environment/20

Interesting if nothing else:
A Pro-Trump Comedy Tour Is Coming to Portland
The Deplorables Tour promises to "unleash the conservative mindset" while "unabashedly mocking liberals."

wweek.com/arts/comedy/2019/01/

Not sure why...but my dog loves to go outside and eat the ants and especially the dirt hills they create.
While I cannot say that she would eat "Bug Dogfood" she does eat the ants.

The reason to ALWAYS listen to a set: I thought a joke DIED....its been on life support and I was ready to kill it...Listen to my set(s) tonight...that joke is rocking. I think with some 'Extra Effort' I can make a killer. I have at least 15 minutes of SOLID jokes that cause people to Laugh. 15 minutes may not seem like much (thats what she said?) But aty this point, its fucking awesome to me.
If you are ever in PDX and get a chance to go to an Open Mic.....DO IT!

Cigarettes should come with Trading Cards.
They could be pictures and information on:
Tobacco (cute pictures of the plant) ,farm / environment it was grown in (tractor/ barn /shot of farm)
You could even take pictures of scientists who discovered the type of cancer it causes
Maybe just have information and shots of the Cancer.
Always fun at parties.
"Oh, I only got Turkish Red Tobacco."
"OOOOO! I got lymphatic cancer! "
"Oh, darn...i just have lung cancer...you guys get all the great cards"

Comedians crave time.
Time on stage
Time to write
Time for Applause Breaks
Time for laughs
There never seems to be enough to go `round

And even when you get it all...you still crave More.
Because its so good when the time invested pays out in Joy and Laughter. That YOU created.

"I MADE This!"

Going to roll out some new jokes in a new bit tomorrow. Have to spend the day going over the material. Finding the funny.

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